Originally, I thought of writing a single post for my experience at the retreat but I ended writing and writing so much. Hence, I am going to write several posts on the retreat, so you can skip the boring parts easily.
The different posts would be
- Introduction
- General Overview (of the retreat)
- Day by Day (My meditation and changes in thoughts as the days go by)
- Conclusion
- Photos of the retreat (with captions)
3. Day by Day (My meditation and changes in thoughts as the days go by)
This would be my longest post ever. There are so many things to write about from each passing day in the retreat. (If you are going to be selective and glance through this post, I suggest reading at least section “3.5 Playing a game? Not good.”)
Sections in this post are:
3.1 Cramps.
3.2 Sleepiness
3.3 Time was my enemy
3.4 My selfish alarm
3.5 Playing a game? Not good.
3.6 Rules that I broke
3.7 Buddha Day
3.1 Cramps
Whenever I do meditation, I get cramps and my legs gets numb from sitting too long. I have asked friends who do meditation, trying to learn how they overcome it. However, they say they do not get it. From these few days of meditation, I think the correct answer is that you get used to it or your legs get used to be being numb.
After days of meditating, I still get cramps and my legs still become numb. BUT, you get used to it somehow and you recover faster as well. After the first meditation session, I was unable to move for the first 5mins. Towards the end of the retreat, I just needed to stretch my feet for a few seconds and I can start moving already, though with some pain. The pain went away after about 10 steps.
From my own experience, there is no way to get around it. It is not an easy process but after the tough part, it gets better. I only got used to it from the third day of the retreat. Go and read my later section on this same post “3.5 Playing a game? Not good.” where I got a bit too comfortable.
3.2 Sleepiness
This is a big thing for me to combat. I think the problem arose when I have been using meditating techniques to help myself to sleep. I learnt about meditation many many years ago when I was in my teens or early twenties. I never really got into regular meditation but I knew the basics since then. When I cannot sleep, I would use the basic technique of watching my breath to aid in my sleep. This helps me to relax and I sleep faster. But, there is a big BUT. But, this disrupts my meditation when I really want to meditate.
When I really want to meditate, I get sleepy from how I have been using meditating techniques through the years. Through the days at the retreat, I learnt to cope with my sleepiness. There were some techniques taught by the teacher to help in this aspect as well. In the end of the 6 days, I was able to concentrate throughout most of the meditation sessions. I dare not say I am fully awake for the whole session but it is an improvement.
3.3 Time was my enemy
I am a very time-conscious person. I take note of the time regularly and schedule my events properly. I am very seldom late and most of the time, would be very early for my appointments. Being very aware of the time became one of the biggest problem in my meditation.
Time was my enemy during my sitting meditation. When I am doing walking meditation, there was constant action and focus was required to execute each movement properly. Hence, the time just flew by when doing walking meditation. It is very different with sitting meditation.
During sitting meditation, you have to focus your thoughts to follow steps for a fixed amount of time. I would not be aware of the passing of time when I am doing sitting meditation, this made sitting meditation difficult for me at the start. I would be wondering how much more time till the end of each sitting meditation session. It did not help that I was also dealing with cramps and numbness in my legs at the start. Each passing moment of not knowing the exact ending of the session was an additional stab of pain into my legs. Along the way, I learnt to just enjoy the moment of meditation, be it with pain or without pain.
Things fell into place when I learnt how to enjoy not knowing the end of the meditation and the cramps and numbness became bearable. However, I decided to play a game with time. Read section “3.5 Playing a game? Not good” in this same post.
3.4 My selfish alarm
Everyone has a timer with an alarm to help signal the end of their meditation session. Each person’s meditation session length differs as well. Someone might be doing a 45min sitting meditation, while another could be doing a 15min walking meditation. So, that means you can hear lots of different alarms going off during your meditation session, especially in the main meditation hall. Alarms can be cricket sounds, bell chimes, melodies or phone ringtones.
I use a meditation app which counts down the time and ends with a single simple bell chime. Nothing loud or irritating. I like the fact that it is very simple and does not disturb others in their meditation sessions.
During my meditation sessions, I could get a sudden shock when loud crickets go chirping, or when someone’s timer has loud beeps when being programmed. I was wondering if I should introduced my simple meditation app to the others, but how? We are not allowed to talk.
I even got irritated with others due to their loud beeping alarms. I was reflecting on this issue and I concluded that it is not their fault that their alarms are loud. It also helps that we have different sounds for our alarms, else we would not know whose meditation session has ended.
During one of the Dharma talks, the teacher talked about how seemingly bad conditions help to train us. I then understood that the irritating and loud alarms were meant to train me in being patient with others.
With all seriousness and without sarcasm, my unobtrusive private single chime now seems a bit selfish. When a loud alarm goes off during my meditation session, I give thanks in my heart for it.
3.5 Playing a game? Not good.
My sitting meditation has improved a lot since the first day. On Day 5 of the retreat, I was enjoying the moment of sitting meditation and the cramps have become very bearable. I have been asked to do 20 minutes of walking meditation with 20 minutes of sitting meditation.
During a sitting meditation session earlier in the day, though I was very comfortable, I thought, “Why don’t I make myself happier by imagining the meditation session is ending earlier than expected?” So, I imagined that only about 12 minutes have passed even though it might be longer than that. I then slowly stretched the idea of time in my mind. So, the “13th minute” went on for a long time in my mind. When the “14th minute” came and stayed in my mind, the chime for my 20 minute sitting meditation sounded off.
On the next sitting meditation session, I then thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it be better if i can accurately predict the end of the 20 minutes?” So, after getting into the routine of sitting meditation and after some time has passed, I “estimated” in my mind, this should be about the “14th minute”. From here, I then slowly counted my time until my “18th minute” when the bell signaled the end of my 20 minutes. Hmm, I am getting close to the target.
On the next sitting meditation, I decided that I have to be fair. I could have just imagined that it is the “20th minute” for an extended period but that is not going to be fair. To be fair, I gave myself a fixed amount of time or breaths for the “20th minute” and it would continue likewise if it exceeds my “20th minute”. The bell chimed during my “23rd minute” during this session.
I continued with my 4th attempt at predicting the “20th minute”. Can you imagined how shocked I was when I accurately predicted the end of the session during my “20th minute”? That must be just luck.
On my 5th sitting meditation since I started this game, I predicted the “20th minute” again!! I was really happy when that happened. After the session, I was walking back to my room grinning from ear to ear. It was not just pure luck. It has become interesting.
On the next sitting meditation, my 6th at this game. When my mind counted to the “19th minute” and moved on to the “20th minute”, my breathing became erratic. I was getting excited and was anticipating the sound of my alarm. The bell never came during my “20th minute” during this session. I stopped the counting of minutes and worked on getting my breathing regular again. That took some time and by the time it became regular again, my alarm sounded off. This is not a good game to play.
I decided not to play this game again. Until.
It was the morning of my last day, the 6th day, just a day after the “games”. I have finished packing and was getting ready to leave the meditation centre. I decided to do my 20 minutes of walking meditation and 20 minutes of sitting meditation before leaving the centre. I needed to charge my handphone for the world of smartphones and internet, so I left my handphone to charge in my room. After which, I decided to just estimate the time and make do with each session. I ended up doing about 25 minutes of walking meditation. When I started my sitting meditation, I decided to use my stopwatch to check how much time had passed for my session. So, in reality, I had to estimate the time again, but not as a game. How did I do? Check the photo below.
3.6 Rules that I broke
This is like a confession. I did break some of the rules.
I broke the rule of writing. I did jot down points of what I wanted to write for this blog. So, I broke the rule of “No writing”. (I am not counting my recording of my meditation sessions nor my pointers that I received from the talks from the teacher.)
The other rule I broke is using the internet with my phone. I used the internet to receive whatsapp messages on the second day of the retreat. I replied some messages as well, even though there was really no need for me to reply. A friend messaged me, asking about me using the phone. I had informed my friends about my attending this retreat and told them the rules. This friend was just asking an innocent question, but it made me very guilt. I stopped using the internet totally from that message until day 5 when I needed to book my accommodations when I get back to Chiang Mai the next day.
3.7 Buddha Day
Certain days are considered Buddha days. From what I gather from the teacher, the first and fifteenth of the lunar calendar are Buddha days. There are additional Buddha days as well when it is half-moon. This means that it is a Buddha day every 7-8 days. It was a Buddha day on Day 4 of my retreat. Instead of doing our daily chanting at 6pm, we are to attend the monks’ chanting at the main temple at the top of the Doi Suthep also at 6pm.
We sat in a row by the side and observed the monks chanting. After the first round of chanting, we followed the monks to circumambulate the main stupa 3 times. At the end of our circumambulation, we each presented a flower as offering. We then went back to sit in a row by the side and continued observing the monks chanting. The whole process was about 20-25mins long.
It was both funny and interesting when tourists started taking photos of this group of people robed in white following the monks during the circumambulation.
Will travel 